Martyr Abbott, in awe of Saint Christopher: “You will not allow your holy one to see corruption” – Ps 15.


An Australian working-class demographic.

You know you are a bogan when…..

1. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. Bikers back down from your mum.
3. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
4. You’ve been married 3 times and still have the same in-laws.
5. Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker makes your list of “Most Admired People.”
6. You’ve ever had to scratch out your sister’s name in a message that begins “For a good time call….”
7. You’ve ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn’t.
8. Every day someone comes to your door mistakenly thinking you’re having a garage sale.
9. You have a working television that sits on top of a non-working television.
10. You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the diving tower.
11. Your dog was desexed by court order.
12. Your 13 year old daughter and her husband wanted belly button piercing, and you said no and got them matching tattoos instead.
13. You mow your lawn and find a car.
14. Your tyres are worth more than your car.

 

Thanks to thingsboganslike.com

1. Are you named after a car, motorbike or fashion label? eg. Mercedes, Harley, Chanel
2. Is there a bathtub, washing machine or couch in your backyard?
3. Have you ever mowed the lawn and found a car?
4. Do you think bin night is every night? (i.e. do you leave the bins out all week?)
5. Have you appeared as a neighbour from hell on A Current Affair?
6. Do you go outside to use the toilet?
7. Do you stand in your front garden and drink beer?
8. Have you spent more money doing up your car than what you paid for it?
9. Do you wear your bathrobe outside?
10. Are thongs your primary footwear?
11. Do you have a Southern Cross tattoo?
12. Have you ever brewed your own beer?
13.Do you smoke like a chimney?
14.Have you ever been arrested without a shirt on?
15.Do you parent in public (loudly)?
16.Were any of your children the result of a conjugal visit?
17.Are you a Collingwood supporter?
18.Have you ever been in a Lowes commercial?
19.Have you ever worn the Australian flag as a cape?
20.Do you like walking through train carriages?

 

Abbott (new text)

“And thus I clothe my naked villainy and seem the saint when most I play the devil”.

Thanks to goodreads.com for next bit of whimsy.

By Diana Gabaldon

“What’s that you’re doing, Sassenach?”

“Making out little Gizmo’s birth certificate–so far as I can,” I added.

“Gizmo?” he said doubtfully. “That will be a saint’s name?”

“I shouldn’t think so, though you never know, what with people named Pantaleon and Onuphrius. Or Ferreolus.”

“Ferreolus? I dinna think I ken that one.” He leaned back, hands linked over his knee.

“One of my favorites,” I told him, carefully filling in the birthdate and time of birth–even that was an estimate, poor thing. There were precisely two bits of unequivocal information on this birth certificate–the date and the name of the doctor who’s delivered him.

“Ferreolus,” I went on with some new enjoyment, “is the patron saint of sick poultry. Christian martyr. He was a Roman tribune and a secret Christian. Having been found out, he was chained up in the prison cesspool to await trial–I suppose the cells must have been full. Sounds rather daredevil; he slipped his chains and escaped through the sewer. They caught up with him, though, dragged him back and beheaded him.”

Jamie looked blank.

“What has that got to do wi’ chickens?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea. Take it up with the Vatican,” I advised him.

“Mmphm. Aye, well, I’ve always been fond of Saint Guignole, myself.” I could see the glint in his eye, but couldn’t resist.

“And what’s he the patron of?”

“He’s involved against impotence.” The glint got stronger. “I saw a statue of him in Brest once; they did say it had been there for a thousand years. ‘Twas a miraculous statue–it had a cock like a gun muzzle, and–”

“A what?”

“Well, the size wasna the miraculous bit,” he said, waving me to silence. “Or not quite. The townsfolk say that for a thousand years, folk have whittled away bits of it as holy relics, and yet the cock is still as big as ever.” He grinned at me. “They do say that a man w’ a bit of St. Guignole in his pocket can last a night and a day without tiring.”

“Not with the same woman, I don’t imagine,” I said dryly. “It does rather make you wonder what he did to merit sainthood, though, doesn’t it?”

He laughed.

“Any man who’s had his prayer answered could tell yet that, Sassenach.”
(PP. 841-842)”
― Diana Gabaldon, Drums of Autumn

GulfNews.com

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